How to Cook a Meal That Will Get You Laid

Impressing your date is crucial any day, but it’s particularly important on Valentine’s Day. Private chef Olivia Tiedemann knows that the key to an impressive evening is a fantastic meal—and not necessarily one that comes from a fancy restaurant. From setting the mood to actual preparation, Tiedemann is stepping in as Playboy Advisor to make sure your V-Day doesn’t end after dessert.

Is it really OK to cook on Valentine’s Day? I have always thought girls wanted to be taken out, and I’m afraid of looking cheap. 

It is totally okay to cook on Valentine’s Day, but only if you’re gonna put in actual effort and do a good job. Cheap is a state of mind.

I live in a bachelor pad, but I obviously want to have the right vibe for a nice night in. Do you have any recommendations for how I could use decor or lighting to set the mood?

First of all, clean your house. Like actually clean your house, don’t just pretend clean your house. I do that a lot. Turn off any aggressive lights you may have. Make it smell good. Change your sheets. If you’re not the greatest home maker/ decorator, you’ll still get a lot of points for being neat. Sometimes I like to turn on my tv when somebody’s coming over so it’s not dead silent and unnerving when they arrive. Don’t be unnerving and strange.

The nice thing about going out to eat is the presentation. How do I make an at-home dish look extra fancy (especially if I don’t have all the bells and whistles)?

I fucking love plating almost more than I love cooking. It takes time to get really good at it, but there are a few simple things you can do that will immediately improve your plating. First of all, get a BIG plate. A big, flat, white plate—10 inches. The number one mistake people make is using a small plate and putting way too much food on it. Big plate, more negative space, anything looks nicer. Obviously, how you’re going to plate something is heavily dependent upon what you’re cooking, but my next tip would be to look up the dish you’re making online or on Instagram and get some inspiration. Before you get creative on your own it’s super helpful to see and try what professionals have done already. 

And keep it simple if you’re new to it. Attempt something manageable so you don’t fuck it up. There’s nothing worse than fucking up during plating. Everything’s hot and ready and you’re so close…don’t be too ambitious.

The entrée is one thing, but I feel like it’s the “before” part that really stresses me out. Are there quick or easy ways to do a thoughtful but not stressful first course?

I get so annoyed by first courses for the same reason. I’m really excited for the entrée and I focus a ton on that, so I usually try to keep first courses simple and quick. It still has to be really good, though. Anything raw, like a tuna tartar or a steak tartar is nice because it comes together quickly and easily. I also love doing crostinis. You can get as fancy as you want with it but ultimately it is just a piece of toast and there is nothing less complicated than that. There’s also salad, if you would like to remain a virgin.

My girlfriend is vegetarian and I’ll be honest, I never know what to cook for her. Any suggestions for an impressive meal?

A new girlfriend.

How do you pick out a steak—and what do you need to do to it ahead of time to really ensure it’s the perfect taste and texture?

I could list off a million ways you can identify a good steak from a shit steak but that would be a really lengthy info dump when all you really need to do is pick out the right butcher. Buy your steak from a reputable source and you’ll never have to wonder if it’s gonna be good. I love going to the butcher. A good butcher can tell you everything you need to know, and also make great recommendations if you have no idea what you want. There are so many kinds of steak out there, cuts, grades. The best thing you can do for yourself is find a dealer you trust.

What’s your favorite no-bake dessert? I want something for after dinner that keeps the conversation going, but doesn’t take a ton of time. 

I am not really a dessert person, and I think it’s totally okay to buy dessert if you cook dinner. Would you see a dentist to get an eye exam ? You don’t have to be everything. Maybe ice cream from the deli.

There is nothing unsexier to me than a messy kitchen. How do you keep it clean when you cook—or do I just need to let all that go and enjoy the moment?

This is a tough one because obviously you don’t want to be a mess, but you also don’t want to be in the kitchen the entire night if you’re having someone over. The answer is a combination. Stay super neat and clean as much as you can while you’re prepping before they get there, and then when your guest arrives and you’re finishing up, stay tidy but don’t sit there scrubbing pans. Finish cooking, put the last few pans and whatever in the sink, and live your life for a minute. So long as it doesn’t look crazy, you’re good. However, if you get a little lucky and somebody stays over, you must—and I mean must— clean up the mess before the next morning. That’s where the line lives.